It’s hard enough to go through a break. After the initial shock of dealing with the actual separation, now it comes time to tell friends and family. While most people will be supportive and try to the best they can to help you, there are always some people who just seem to make it worse.
While they may have good intentions, sometimes family thinks this is the best time to tell you how much they liked your ex, they may want to tell you how much they didn’t like them either which isn’t helpful. Things might come out like “I don’t know why you were with them in the first place”, or “there are plenty more fish in the sea” which again are not helpful.
So what can you do to assure that you leave telling your family about your break up in a way that you feel supported and loved?
The first thing that it will take is some preparation on your part. Take some time and write out a list of things you want to hear from them.
Examples can include:
“I love you no matter what”
“I’m here to support you however you need it”
“Do you want to talk more about it?”
“Do you want to stay with us?”
It is ABSOLUTELY OK to start the conversation, before you even start the conversation saying exactly what you’d like them to say. It’s ok to let them know exactly how they can support you.
You also don’t owe anyone an explanation further than what you’re comfortable telling them, if it’s too painful you don’t need to go into the whole story. I highly recommend that you speak about it in depths at one point but it doesn’t need to be right away if it will just cause you more harm.
People love to ask give advice in these scenarios, and while some
Another thing I would recommend is telling your family who you end up talking to first to inform the rest of the family to your wishes. There’s nothing worse than going to your next family function and having everyone ask where your ex is.
If you feel weird about asking for your needs to be met, remember it’s most important to take care of yourself right now and to fully practice self care sometimes you need to firm with others of your needs.
It’s also great to keep the conversation going with your family, if they’re asking about how you’re doing too much you can ask them to talk about another subject. If you feel like they’re treating you differently or feel like they’re walking on eggshells around you, you can mention that as well.
Your family (and friends) can be your best support during a time like this, don’t lose that opportunity by not taking the time to express your needs. This can apply to your friends and coworkers as well.
IT IS OK TO ASK FOR WHAT YOU NEED.