We’ve all been in relationships that are clearly just dead. Your feelings are no longer the same, you don’t love the person like you used to, and it’s clear that it’s time to move on. Yet most of us take TOO long to act on those thoughts and feelings.
Recently I read an article that showed an insane amount of people will stay in a relationship they don’t want to be in because they are afraid of hurting the other person too much.
I’ve totally done this but how crazy is that? It would be one thing if we kept going to the same yoga class every week even though we hated it because we didn’t want to hurt the instructor’s feelings but we are talking about our relationship! The person we spend probably the most time with out of everyone!
By doing this, what you’re communicating to yourself and to the universe is that your feelings are less important than the other person’s. It’s ok for you to suffer in a relationship that isn’t right for you in order to protect the other person’s feelings. That’s not very nice to do to yourself.
Also, what makes you think you have that much power to hurt someone else that badly?
I’ll never forget I was talking to one of my mentors when I knew I had to break things off with the guy I was dating, but I was stalling because I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. I called her and told her the situation and she said to me, what makes you think you’re that powerful that you could destroy someone’s life? It was a blow to my ego but it was such a relief to know that I didn’t have to carry that burden.
Another lesson from that same situation is by holding someone in a relationship we don’t want to be in, and trying to “protect” them we are robbing them of their soulmate as well. By me staying with someone because I didn’t want to hurt his feelings, I was preventing him from being free to go out and find the person he was meant to end up with, and I think that’s even worse than breaking their heart.
I think many of us know if we’re in the wrong relationship, but we use a lot of rationalizing, excuses, we drown out our feelings to prevent ourselves from taking accountability for our feelings, which are valid and facing reality.
So if you do find yourself in this situation- it is always worth it to acknowledge the reality. Then you can decide what to do.
Once you have decided that you’re ready to end a relationship that isn’t working, it’s helpful to tell your close friends and family so that they can hold you accountable towards taking action. It can be really easy to back out of a decision after your guy sends you a nice text or brings home flowers (ps the day I went to break up with one of my exes, he walked in with flowers and a massage gift card, but I knew I had to do it!) but by having your close friends know your plan it’s harder to back out of what you really need to do.
After you’ve acknowledged your feelings and you’re not quite ready to take action that’s ok. It’s hard to sit with our truth without taking action for a long period of time so just sit patient and stay in touch with yourself. Living in a relationship that contradicts our values and wants and needs can create havoc on our mental, emotional, and even physical health.